It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
