toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
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