In the future we'll all be gay
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
My penis needs a shock collar
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
