Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
You ruined the universe
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize