Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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