she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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