oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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