You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize