just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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