THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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