I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
