I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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