You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
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