I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
