i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
