Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
