Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Sorry about my life...
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
