u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
