My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
