found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
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