We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
