i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
The air was thick with penises
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
