I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
