Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
