I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
someone owes me an orgasm
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
