yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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