I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Randomize