I saw his package. It spoke to me.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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