were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
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