I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
