Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
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