I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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