My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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