He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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