# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
