This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize