youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Randomize
