Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
