I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
