last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize