dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
