well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
