I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
