First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Randomize
