I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Enjoy the penises
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Randomize
