My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
