Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
