whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
