Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Damn victory sex feels great
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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