Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
