Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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