Don't you send me to vm
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I'm getting married
To pizza
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Randomize
