I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
