So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
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