I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
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