I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I can't turn off my feet"
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
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