my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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