She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
