i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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