Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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