i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
There's always time for handjobs
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
