i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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