"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
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