She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
