this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
