my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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