Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Randomize
