Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
