Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
