I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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