please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Randomize
