Don't make out with my wife yet
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
