if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Help. Why am I so naked?
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