I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
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