lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
