this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
