brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
