would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
