I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
