I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
