he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
two words...techno handjob
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Randomize