My liver just broke up with me...
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
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