It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
