Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
