You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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