I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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