This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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