just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
My day in three words: secret purse cake
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
