so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
ugly people sure do ruin things
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
