At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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