i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
