um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
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