I could have mohawked her pubes.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
