i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
