What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
