They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize