This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
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