Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize
