We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
