dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
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