I'm so fucking centered right now
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
He literally asked permission to hit on me
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
