Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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