i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I checked into jail on foursquare
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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