Your tits are I can't wait for
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
