My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
