roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
