If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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