I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
