He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
