i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
