he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
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