Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Randomize
