Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
