My hair reeks of homosexuality.
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
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